Untitled (could use a title however!)
Disclaimer: Yes, yes...I wish, but I do not own.
Category: Tess and Max POV, M/T
Rating: PG at most
Spoilers: All the way through "Departure"
Summary: The unraveling of Tess and Max's lives following "Departure".
Author's Note: This really is my first foray into "Roswell" fanfiction, but not fanfiction as a whole, so I'd be grateful for ANY feedback or criticism! Untitled
When he first touched me I thought it was just a dream. I thought it was all a dream...he didn't remember me, and he hadn't come to me. Why should he have? I didn't matter to him; why would I matter now?
When he came back asking more questions, embracing the side of himself that was bonded to me, I still believed it to be a dream. A dream I had created to overcome all those years of loneliness and rejection. He embraced his human side with her; why was he coming to me?
When he kissed me on that night - that night that he remembered our love - I knew it wasn't a dream. I could see it in his eyes: that spark that he had once had in his eyes, he had regained. That spark was there when he last loved me; did he love me?
His hand glided over my cheek and he drew me closer 'til our lips merged to make us whole once more. I'd longed for that moment forever - to be complete once again after living so long in emptiness.
When he took me into his arms and caressed me like I had never been caressed before, I made myself believe it was a dream. I couldn't face the reality of it all; it would be too hard to know that he loved me. My king loved me - I had to believe he was my king; my king would understand. This boy who had completed my soul could never understand; he would never be able to see things like my king could.
When he left me and I felt his child stirring within me, I let myself believe he was my king's son. He would never be weak like the boy who completed me, only strong like my king. He would never leave me like the boy; he would always be with me. I would never be lonely again.
When he comforted and cared for me, I let myself believe the truth. This boy WAS my king and I had lied to him and betrayed him without him even knowing. He was my king and he could never forgive me, though I loved him with my entire life and carried his son within me. I believed the lies for what reason? Because of my protector? He wasn't worth it - he wasn't worth all the pain I had cause my king and would soon cause him.
When he yelled at me and glared at me with his eyes that held the spark, I forced myself to face the truth. I had created a web of deceit and had managed to suck even myself into it - there was no way out for me now...but there was a way out for my king whom I so desperately loved even in those last moments of anger.
When he hissed his last words to me, I let him go. I let my king go in hopes of saving him; I was already lost, our son was already lost. I hoped he would never embrace his side that bonded him to me the way I had embraced my side that had bonded me to him. I had embraced it with desperation - that was my mistake, my downfall.
When he thinks of his queen, I hope he doesn't think of me. I am just a misguided girl looking for a cure for her loneliness, a place to belong. I tried too hard, listened to the wrong people and never to myself. And now I'm just tired...so terribly tired.
When she placed her small hand to the glassy surface of the Granolith and glanced at me one last time with her mesmerizing blue eyes, my heart struggled desperately against my head. While my head told me to forget her because she had betrayed me, my heart pleaded with me to stop her from leaving because I loved her. Did I love her? I didn't know what to believe then, so my logic overrode my emotions and my last words to her were venomous and cold.
When she disappeared out of my life, her ship spiraling away into the sky towards her home, I clung to the girl who was my human side because she was all I had left; beggars could never be choosers and at that moment, I was definitely a beggar. I needed to find solace in someone or something, even if it was in her arms. Her presence could never fill that of my lover's I soon figured out. I felt this gaping emptiness within myself; I was no longer whole without her by my side.
When she came to my dreams that night - the radiance of her unparalleled beauty bathing me in light - I took her into my arms and promised to never let her go. I didn't care what my head told me, I believed in my heart with all its confusing emotions. I loved her, and it was only as I held her in our blissful dream world I saw this once again. But she was soon gone, and I was left incomplete again.
When she spoke to me through the letter she had left behind for me at the observatory, I understood her walk through the motions. She was my queen, I know her well, but somehow in the process, she forgot me - forgot that I loved her with my entire soul and that I could forgive her. I only wished to bring her happiness like I had experienced in this life - happiness that would lighten her soul from the mistreatment she had received from her protector. Why did I hesitate?
When she lingers in my thoughts, there is nothing else I can think about. Is she okay with our son - the one true tangible embodiment of our love for one another? When I first touched his tiny little hand with five fingers just like my own, I bonded with him then. He is my son, I need him; I need him like I need his mother. Does she need me? Does she even want me anymore? I hope that she does because the foursquare is forever broken until she returns to us - to me.
When she returns...will she return? She must, because I am so alone. I have pushed everyone away because they cannot help me; they simply don't understand the complexities of my love for her. They don't even understand how I can love her in the first place because they see her with blinded eyes and closed minds. She deserves so much more than that. Are they worthy of her - my gracious, self-sacrificing queen?
When she thinks of me, I hope she sees her king who longs for her return and cannot bear the days without her. I am a man clinging onto the last memories of his beloved and cherishing them to their fullest. I am a king who is determined to have his queen returned to his side and I won't stop 'til I have achieved what I want to accomplish.
Without him, I arrived at my destination, tired and empty. I climbed out to be greeted by the hot rays of the three fierce red suns and to be welcomed by the people, all with open arms. Their open arms filled me deeply with warmth, but somehow left me still feeling cold inside.
Without him, I was paraded through the streets and loved like the queen I was supposed to be. But I was no queen. I was a pawn in a rather large living game of chess and I had been eaten and swallowed by a far more powerful game piece. I was broken - defective; I didn't work anymore.
Without him, I fell to the floor at his enemy's feet many times after receiving the brunt of the man's anger. I was worthless, he claimed, and I had betrayed him. I didn't care too much...I had heard it all before. When one has been told the same thing for so long, one starts to believe it.
Without him, my condition deteriorated. I was worthless and life was worthless without him. I was no queen if my king wasn't at my side. I didn't belong here, no matter how many of them tried to convince that I did. Did I even belong anywhere?
Without him, I gave birth to our beautiful son after hours of excruciating pain. As I held him in my arms, I was complete for a moment, seeing my king in our son. As he was removed from my tired arms and placed into the waiting hands of my king's enemy, my strength failed me and my tears finally dribbled slowly down my pale cheeks.
Without him, I lost all of my control; I had lost everything precious to me. His enemy had stolen me away from my king by brainwashing me into believing his hideous lies. Now, he used the same tactics on my own flesh and blood once again. My king's enemy had stolen our son away from me, brainwashing the child of any memories he had of me - no matter how miniscule.
Without him, our son was torn away from me forever by the dark clutches of death. His enemy - now, my enemy as well - shrugged the death off with no remorse. An accident, plain and simple, he claimed. But there was nothing plain and simple about my child's death; I suspected foul play from the very moment the words spilled from that monster's mouth. Why hadn't I acted sooner? Why didn't I save him?!
Without him, I broke away from the prison that had held me for two years and stole my key back to home. Home. After so long of living and surviving in that darkness, I realized home was with my king - that was where I belonged. I needed my home; I needed his warm comfort and his love.
Without him, I now travel back to him, my home. It is only now that I consider the consequences of my actions. Will he forgive me? Will he take me back? I have to believe that he will because I now know that I cannot live without him; I can't loose him a second time. I don't think I could survive the pain; I've lost one too many already.
Without her, I walked through the motions of my life. Why should I care about the world around me if the one thing that mattered to me was gone? The days droned on in a never-ending cycle. The only thing that I could look forward to was the nights.
Without her, every night I would continuously gaze at the lone vibrating star she had pointed out to me before her departure. Was she looking at the same star I was? It was my sole connection to my mighty queen and I couldn't bear to let it out of my sight for even one night; I could feel her presence upon me whenever I looked at the majestic night sky.
Without her, they tried to brainwash me of my love for her - claiming I needed to see the truth and stop living in my lies. They didn't remember like I did; THEY were the ones living in the lies. I knew my love was real and I knew my queen was right, but they didn't, so they doubted me at every step.
Without her, they pulled away from me and stopped believing in me; I didn't care. I didn't need nor want them - they refused to understand, even my own blood resisted; so consumed in her own grief that she had created a bubble around herself and refused to venture outside of it.
Without her, the three of us drastically changed - each of us going our separate ways as soon as possible, not able to stand each other's presence any longer. I remained at home, alone. It was important that I remained at home in case of her return, whenever that would be.
Without her, I devised many outrageous plans to reunite with my queen. All abnormal activity had ceased following her departure; I assumed that it was because our enemies had gotten what they wanted. It was that sole thought that sent tremors of worry through me. Were they alright? Were they even alive?
Without her, I had lost all semblance of control. I realized that things happened that I couldn't control when she left. She had taken my control at the last minute and took my ability to shape my life - my destiny. She shared my life and we could only create our destiny together.
Without her, two years of my empty life had come and gone. I constantly dreamed of her return. She would just appear out of nowhere like a phantom, cradling our precious son in her arms. I would then encase her in my own arms, burying my face into her soft golden curls. After a moment, I would slowly pull away and tilt her chin up to look at me, placing the most delicate of kisses upon her sweet lips. Of course, they were all dreams. It would never happen, would it?
Without her, I now drive down the deserted highway into the dry desert. It's my weekly trip out into nowhere to our rock - the rock where she left me - to escape the monotony of my life. I'm the only one who comes out here anymore; they don't seem to care about this side of their lives, suppressing it all. I embrace it openly because to embrace it is to embrace my queen in all her glory.
She saved all our lives, but is never accredited for it. I make the weekly trip out here, in order to honor her memory and paid her the credit she rightly deserves. I also wait for her return.
The door hissed open and she stumbled out of the ship onto the dry and cracked earth.
Happily, she pressed her body fully against the ground, savoring its scratchy feeling her pale white skin. She dug her bloodied, bitten nails into the small cracks and clung to the dirt, never wanting to part with it ever again. "Home..."
Tearing herself away from the welcoming dirt, she slowly rolled onto her back to gaze upwards into the sky with blue eyes, renewed with hope once more.
Dusk was just falling upon the desert. As the sung gradually descended beyond the horizon, it left a beauteous mark upon the sky that once held it. Several different hues of purple, red, pink, orange, and yellow surrounded the setting sun, not a cloud in sight to distract from its magnificence.
Even the rock was majestic to her opened eyes. The rock formation cast a brilliant shadow upon the desert floor, its natural beauty enhanced ten-fold by the scene taking place around it. It was the place where she had been born; she had hatched from within such greatness.
She found it incredibly hard to believe that she thought all of the wonder surrounding her as a dream once upon a time; she couldn't believe that she has actually left.
As he drew closer to the rock, his eyes caught upon a shiny silver object standing nearby the rock in the diminishing sunlight.
He quickly pulled his keys out of the ignition of his SUV and jumped out of it into the desert. Squinting, he looked once again at the rock and the object. The object looked somewhat familiar...like the Granolith even.
That's when he saw her.
Beside the Granolith object, he saw a petite and frail-looking woman lying in the dirt. Cascades of long and light blonde curls were strewn across the ground - almost as if she'd been crucified - starting up into the now early night sky. She wore a flimsy white gown, torn in several places and covered in the desert dust.
His heart began to pound terribly in his chest. Could this be happening? Could SHE be back? His mind raced with excitement and anticipation. He had to find out if it really was her right away; he couldn't torture himself for so long with a fantasy and then find out it wasn't true. It would kill him.
Pumping his legs beneath him, he began to run frantically. The closer and closer he got, the more he could see, and recognize. The silver object WAS the Granolith. She DID have the same blonde curls that used to frame her bright face. She DID have the same blue eyes that could pierce directly into his soul. She DID have the same small hands that held his world within its grasp.
It wasn't some twisted fantasy.
It WAS her.
Tess slowly turned her head towards the voice and blinked unbelievingly. He was NOT running towards her. Her head was just playing trick with her as it adjusted to Earth's atmosphere once again.
The voice screamed her name again and this time he was closer, still running. It had to be him...could it be him? Tess stood up from where she was laying and stared at the man before her,
Max stood there in front of Tess - simply in awe of the woman before him - and all he could get himself to say was, "Yes?"
At the mere sound of his voice, Tess completely broke down.
She fell into his open arms and clung to his shirt, sobbing terribly. "I'm so sorry...I'm sorry I killed-"
"Shh.." Max interrupted Tess' rambling, gently hugging the petite woman closer to him. Soothingly, he ran his hand through her long blonde curls - savoring the feel of her - as tears slowly built up in his own eyes. "Shh, its okay. It understand; I understand everything."
Tess tipped her head up to look at Max, blinking her eyes. "You read the letter." It was a statement, not a question.
Max simply nodded, staring down into her face. "I did."
"And you believed it?
"Of course. Was there a reason for me not to?"
"There were plenty of reasons."
A mutual silence fell between the two of them. In that moment, Tess chose to arch her neck and slowly pressed a gentle kiss to Max's lips that she believed wouldn't be returned. However, to her surprise, Max quickly reacted to her touch that he had longed for and quickly devoured her, barely noticing how cracked and chapped her lips were from the long escape she endured.
Eventually, the two pulled themselves apart from one another and Max smiled down on Tess, finally at peace after two years for torment. "You're home."
Tess smiled back, nuzzling back into his touch. "I'm home."